Crescent Whirlwind

I was afraid of my own shadow yesterday and today want only her company I was scared of the "human" residing in the person yesterday and willing to live beyond humanity today I was panic of a fall of a pyramid and today craving to be on the top of it I was horrified with the thunderstorm and wish to go shipping in the same ocean today I was distressed to see the setting Sun and feeling like going in a twilight walk today I was alone in the crowd yesterday and actually away from crowd today just the loneliness is forever to stay...

If assumed there is everything and if not there is nothing Just like the swinging pendulum between Yes and No Like the refracted ray somewhere blur and somewhere crystal clear Sometimes enchanting sometimes pseudo Sometimes appearing when you think its gone and sometimes disappearing in nowhere while you are still feeling it And then an emptiness, occupying right from within questioning your own self you are never really bothered about the answers cause their pace has no direction, like the existence of oxygen in vacuum what lies is just inner craving,the urge magnetically pulling you towards and not giving no time to think and then you just go by towards the centre of the magnetic field from nothing to something and from something to nothing If assumed there is everything and if not there is nothing...

Life is progressing in bits and pieces and productive life is clinging to negative infinity..the only mood saddhya is "mood nahie" phase to do whatever may be..since I am left with nothing else thinking and thinking like mad is the only thing up on the mind. And that's causing the problems. Why people want freshers while marrying and at least 2 years experience while offering offering a job? why people you thought knew you the best acting as if its not their fault? why the rain outside calming the sun scorched earth is not able to calm the storm within? why consistently I am denied anything and everything? why people don't behave and act and feel at least once the way you want them to? why these whys again and again have to occupy mind when I don't want them to... why I have always have to detach myself from something to avoid the consequences of something else? and why all these things are so painful yet have no option than to try.....

A sigh of relief after a big fight with your close friend you know you cant do without... Finding something in your friendship which you thought was missing for some days... Excitement before joining a new job... Already popping up ideas about how to go about the job even before joining... Positive nervousness of entering into a world that was not so much of like your types... Feeling generalach good about your own self despite not really liking the short haircut and put on weight... Watching a movie you always wanted to but didn't really get a chance to watch... Falling in love with the movie characters... Colouring nails just because you have nothing else to do in the break time... Just don't feel like switching the channel during break cause you don't want to lose even a single scene... Listening to music after like months and saying the lyrics out loudly along... Feeling happy how you still remember the wordings even after years when you cant recollect the syllabus you ...

Its really amazing how sometimes thoughts just get vanished from your mind.One moment the mind is full of thoughts,plans,questions,answers(??),dos, don't s,should haves,could haves,would haves, and the very next moment it is blank, yeah, like absolutely nothing pops up in the mind.It goes in the sudden state of peace and you cant even feel that peace all around,that metastable phase is disappeared again...what was not there in that moment ?but you are not going to get it back again.You strive for it...crave for its extended existence...all futile efforts. Again the mind starts registering the reality...the birds chirping outside..breeze blowing through the window next to the computer table..the smell of mom's freshly cooked food..TV making some noises of routine serials..grrr grr of fan..the most awaited message tune..computer screen with n no of tabs minimised..friends pinging..FB updates..all over again you feel its so lively.The small small things are full of their uniquenes...

It was the day I remember I,all drenched in the rain...walking across the road and hiding the pain.A feeling was seeping through my mind,I might never will see this fall.I might never will walk with you again.I might never will listen to the strings in the air.The urge was there to live the moment.The fear was there of losing it as well...even the memories create that unknown feeling of anxiety...letting it go and wanting to hold on knowing that this might never happen again...knowing that the silence will remain in den...knowing the season will change with the time...knowing the fall will never be seen....

The darkness is seeping through the heart again Living becomes just another blaming game Expectations crossing the boundaries relentlessly Nightmares keep the track patiently... The world seems to be a huge question mark People around as usual turn their back And I find myself in the same mindset again Going round and round all over in sane The life has stopped searching for the meaning Existence has become the moral binding Fake is the world I want to live in Pseudo are the shadows of people, I believe in Negating is the only thing my mind is doing; Accepting is the thing it should be doing Thoughts run continuously and make it all worst The eyes never stop wiping and emotions just burst As usual, I find no way out People move away and I go nowhere Asking question 'why' is the routine without answer I live again in a paradoxical nightmare