Crescent Whirlwind

सुखी कोण ? दुखी कोण ? सगळीच मापं गळून पडलीत ... अनंतात विलीन झालेली स्वप्नं पाहून मनाची दारं मिटून गेलीत ... अस्वस्थता आणि अशांतता ; अंधार की संपत नाही दिव्याची तिरीप पहायची आशा सुद्धा मावळून गेलीये ... खरं कोण ? खोटं कोण ? उत्तरं निघून गेलीएत ... चांगलं काय ? वाईट काय ? प्रश्नही साथ सोडून निघून गेलेत ...

अवघड असता accept करणं जेवा काहीच दिसत नसता घडणाऱ्या गोष्टींचा सोयरसुतक तुमच्याशिवाय कोणालाच नसता वाटच समोर दिसत नाही धबधबा कोसळत असतो पाणी डोळ्यातला टिपायला मात्र तुमचा जवळचा कोणीच नसता आठवणींच ओझं घेऊन जगायचा burden तुमचावर येत नवीन आयुष्याशी जुळवून घ्यायला मन कधीच तयार नसता आनंदी असल्याचं उगीच नाटक वठवाव लागता काही घडलाच नाही अशा थाटात आयुष्य मात्र जगावं लागता जगाला काहीच फरक पडत नाही कारण ते तुमचा कधीच नसतं कसा जगावं तेच कळत नाही जेवा तुमचं आपलं जवळ नसतं पाणी डोळ्यातलं थांबतच नाही नाटक मला करता येत नाही अशा वेळी कसा जगावं कोणीच कसा सांगत नाही ? आवंढे गिळत जगणं किती अवघड असतं... जिवंतपणी माणसाना विसरणं अजिबात सोप नसतं ... उसना अवसान आणून मुखवटे धारण करणं माहित नाही जगाला कसा जमतं...

Posting after almost 6 months gap...this time an experience and a realization... Being in the Construction line ,every day I come across 'N' no.of people...people of different castes,creeds,community of various types...working,salaried,businessmen,housewives,genuine buyers,general inquiries,investors,end users and many more...out of women inquiries have always amused me.So many types of women..single, accompanied by husbands/boyfriends/friends/relatives,wearing sarees(maharashtrian/gujrati/with pallu/without pallu ...uuhhh)/dress/jeans/skirts,newly married,middle aged,punjabi kudis with tons of bangles etc etc etc...but one thing is common amongst all...dependency... weather its maharashtrian woman/south Indian/Punjabi/Gujrati/Marwari/Bihari/Christian or any one...the extent of dependency may vary but it is there. A recent e.g.really touched my heart and I started thinking why we women are so damn dependednt?for every smaller thing?why we can not take decisions on our own con...

जगणे मुश्कील होते तेव्हाच खरे जगात असते मी परिस्थितीला अगदी जवळून पाहत असते मी . माणसामाणसातली नातीही तडकू लागतात जेव्हा खर्या नात्यातले अर्थ जाणवत असते मी भूतकाळाची नाळ जेव्हा तोडू पाहते मी विसरलेल्या आठवणी जागवत असते मी दुनिया सगळी असते जेव्हा पाठ फिरवून उभी सोडून दिलेल्या वाटेवरचा अर्थ असते मी आयुष्याबरोबर जेव्हा फरफटत असते मी मनापासून सांगते,तेव्हाच खरी जगात असते मी

म्हटला तर सगळाच आहे आणि म्हटला तर काहीच नाही हो - नाही चा हिंदोळ्यावर लोम्ब्काल्णाऱ्या लोलकाप्रमाणे प्रकाशशालाकेचा परिवर्तनावर कधी धूसर कधी स्पष्ट कधी अंधुक कधी धुंद ... कधी नाहीनाहीस वाटतानाच अचानक प्रकट होणारं कधी दिसत असतानाच हातातून निसटणार आणि मग एक विषण्णता ..आतून उचंबळून येणारी आसमंत भरून टाकणारी आणि 'स्व' वरच प्रश्नचिन्ह उठविणारी ... उत्तरांची फिकीर कधीच नसते ; त्यांची गती दिशाहीन असते निर्वात पोकळीतील प्राणवायूचा अस्तित्वासारखी असते ती फक्त आंतरिक ओढ ..खेचत घेऊन जाणारी आणि विचार करायलाही अवसर न देणारी आणि मग आपण असेच भारावल्यागत चालत राहतो शून्यातून अपूर्णत्वात आणि अपूर्णत्वातून शून्यात म्हटला तर सगळाच आहे आणि म्हटला तर काहीच नाही...

मिटून जातो स्पर्ष तेवा जाणवू लागतो अर्थ अर्थावाचून जगलेलं एक धूसर सत्य वलायंकित धूरामागचा एक आकृतिमय प्रवास संपून गेलेला स्वार्थ आणि भोगलेला त्रास मिटून जातो अर्थ तेव्हा जगलेला एक श्वास अन श्वासागणिक बाहेर पडू पाहणारे निश्वास आविष्काराचा ओढीने तळमळणारा ऱ्हास आणि मनानीच मनाचा चालवलेला दुस्वास मिटून जाते सत्य तेव्हा उरते ती आस जगण्यातच कळलेले जगण्यामागचे भास उराशी कवतालालेले मायेचे पाश आणि पाय मागे ओढू पाहणारे अविश्वास

Currently trying to go with the flow but striking back to the same grounds again and again...really very much stranded with some people's behaviour and not able to figure out anything...just don't understand how can things in the personal life can not affect the professional for some people and if they are able to do that why can't I ?Why all small small things bother me so much and ruin my life?Till the time something is not sorted out why can't I even think on something else?And if people know this why in first place they behave like this? Relations are so much like marketing...there are expectations,there are promises under delivered,there are complaints,there is feedback,there is communication gap,then recovery.Half of the problems cause because of over expectations under delivered but how to define over expectations?If once upon a time all your needs were getting catered to and suddenly if they don't tar who is at fault?customer of service provider?Then wha...

I was afraid of my own shadow yesterday and today want only her company I was scared of the "human" residing in the person yesterday and willing to live beyond humanity today I was panic of a fall of a pyramid and today craving to be on the top of it I was horrified with the thunderstorm and wish to go shipping in the same ocean today I was distressed to see the setting Sun and feeling like going in a twilight walk today I was alone in the crowd yesterday and actually away from crowd today just the loneliness is forever to stay...

If assumed there is everything and if not there is nothing Just like the swinging pendulum between Yes and No Like the refracted ray somewhere blur and somewhere crystal clear Sometimes enchanting sometimes pseudo Sometimes appearing when you think its gone and sometimes disappearing in nowhere while you are still feeling it And then an emptiness, occupying right from within questioning your own self you are never really bothered about the answers cause their pace has no direction, like the existence of oxygen in vacuum what lies is just inner craving,the urge magnetically pulling you towards and not giving no time to think and then you just go by towards the centre of the magnetic field from nothing to something and from something to nothing If assumed there is everything and if not there is nothing...

Life is progressing in bits and pieces and productive life is clinging to negative infinity..the only mood saddhya is "mood nahie" phase to do whatever may be..since I am left with nothing else thinking and thinking like mad is the only thing up on the mind. And that's causing the problems. Why people want freshers while marrying and at least 2 years experience while offering offering a job? why people you thought knew you the best acting as if its not their fault? why the rain outside calming the sun scorched earth is not able to calm the storm within? why consistently I am denied anything and everything? why people don't behave and act and feel at least once the way you want them to? why these whys again and again have to occupy mind when I don't want them to... why I have always have to detach myself from something to avoid the consequences of something else? and why all these things are so painful yet have no option than to try.....

A sigh of relief after a big fight with your close friend you know you cant do without... Finding something in your friendship which you thought was missing for some days... Excitement before joining a new job... Already popping up ideas about how to go about the job even before joining... Positive nervousness of entering into a world that was not so much of like your types... Feeling generalach good about your own self despite not really liking the short haircut and put on weight... Watching a movie you always wanted to but didn't really get a chance to watch... Falling in love with the movie characters... Colouring nails just because you have nothing else to do in the break time... Just don't feel like switching the channel during break cause you don't want to lose even a single scene... Listening to music after like months and saying the lyrics out loudly along... Feeling happy how you still remember the wordings even after years when you cant recollect the syllabus you ...

Its really amazing how sometimes thoughts just get vanished from your mind.One moment the mind is full of thoughts,plans,questions,answers(??),dos, don't s,should haves,could haves,would haves, and the very next moment it is blank, yeah, like absolutely nothing pops up in the mind.It goes in the sudden state of peace and you cant even feel that peace all around,that metastable phase is disappeared again...what was not there in that moment ?but you are not going to get it back again.You strive for it...crave for its extended existence...all futile efforts. Again the mind starts registering the reality...the birds chirping outside..breeze blowing through the window next to the computer table..the smell of mom's freshly cooked food..TV making some noises of routine serials..grrr grr of fan..the most awaited message tune..computer screen with n no of tabs minimised..friends pinging..FB updates..all over again you feel its so lively.The small small things are full of their uniquenes...

It was the day I remember I,all drenched in the rain...walking across the road and hiding the pain.A feeling was seeping through my mind,I might never will see this fall.I might never will walk with you again.I might never will listen to the strings in the air.The urge was there to live the moment.The fear was there of losing it as well...even the memories create that unknown feeling of anxiety...letting it go and wanting to hold on knowing that this might never happen again...knowing that the silence will remain in den...knowing the season will change with the time...knowing the fall will never be seen....

The darkness is seeping through the heart again Living becomes just another blaming game Expectations crossing the boundaries relentlessly Nightmares keep the track patiently... The world seems to be a huge question mark People around as usual turn their back And I find myself in the same mindset again Going round and round all over in sane The life has stopped searching for the meaning Existence has become the moral binding Fake is the world I want to live in Pseudo are the shadows of people, I believe in Negating is the only thing my mind is doing; Accepting is the thing it should be doing Thoughts run continuously and make it all worst The eyes never stop wiping and emotions just burst As usual, I find no way out People move away and I go nowhere Asking question 'why' is the routine without answer I live again in a paradoxical nightmare

The year has gone by. Time flew unknowingly...The day used to start at 5.30 am and end at around 1am.That's the only same thing around. Things have changed from WNS to Indian Magic Eye and college and yes,Purushottam too. Friends are new...Work is different...Working culture is different...Approach is different...Some friends got married, some are now even pregnant, some lost their jobs, some got promoted, some newly found love, some still searching for it, some got betrayed, some got hurt, some found new trust, some lives changed, some got reincarnated...and then where was I ,all those times?...I was a silent apprehender every time...and a silent observer sometimes....Some people left their remarks forever to remember, some silently walked away, some new entered with the promise to forever stay...I discovered the hidden/unknown self..realised many things...lend an hearing ear to some and asked for the same from some....people...people. People.....It’s always people who walk in you...

[Posting as per gogo's request ;-) its in marathi ] Ek Shaniwar,asach alshi ugwawa ani nantar ekdum rahatawar chalnarya gadgyala motari itki gati milavi itka vegvan diwas asel asa watla tari hota ka kaal? Ratri zoptana ek ashantata,sakali achanak parat vadalasarkhi yavi ani mihi ti sahajtene par karavi...parat don wawtali uthawyat..apratyaksharitya me gumphlya gelelya ani tyatunahi me sahajtene chalat jave ... Chalnarya botivar vegvan varyamadhe sheed lawaycha prayatna karawa me ani ti dolaymantahi samarasun anubhavavi me.. Santh panyat duchmalat chalnari bot achanak bhowra alyavar thodishi helkavi ani tarihi me ti atmavishwasane pudhe nyavi... Nantar akash datun yave,manat ek ashanka ani dhuwandhar kosalnarya jaldhara... saglach rikampan dhuvun kadhnarya,manatla,ajubajuachahi... Janu tyasathich tyani firun janma ghetla asava mazyatlya 'me' cha asnahi punha navyani janmale.. swachchha dhuvun nighalelya rastyavarun manasokta nhaleli me,hirvyakancha zadancha pananvarun padnar...

To the wandering soul within, For a last few weeks, I have observed some changes happening within and outside too. Some things you realize later on, I agree. Some new things enter into your life, I agree. Priorities change, of people, of work, I agree. But while the simultaneous happening is being taking place, how often you just get carried away? How often you really live that moment with the known "you”? Everything in life has a reason and not everything comes for a season. Everything in our life has some place and sometimes the places are things driven. You just have no right on them. Sometimes you find yourself guilty for many reasons, which sometimes are known and sometimes unknown. You get circumvented with the guilty feeling and try to run away from people who you think are suffering cause of you, you run away from your own self. Everything starts bothering you, the "why me?" feeling is up on your mind. Suddenly you feel everyone around is being so erratic. You hu...

Walking alongside the road a random thought strikes the mind and makes me think beyond crossroads…Just don’t know the reason of the mind drift but deliberately its happening. Life is not just a crossroad but there are many main roads, tunnels, underground roads, connecting flyovers, underwater gangways, unending highways, and some naughty pathways too. Now when I take a look back at my life, simply wonder how could I miss them all? Or is it that I just ignored them? Or may be knowingly denied their existence?  Every road is a learning experience .Just that your preconceptions make you think it’s a crossroad. Once you adopt the vision to get the zeal and touch and feel of the newer path, there are so many things lying downside and waiting just for you. Incidences may be very trivial but surely give you the feeling “Yes, this is what I was searching for” And you don’t have to go beyond any horizons in their search. It’s all within. Perhaps like a denied creature. I’m really amazed over l...

Life has taken a bit set back now days...as in nothing productive is happening but the crescent whirlwinds are high.The emotional turmoil is driving me crazy to the walls.A small thing happend in my life and suddenly the circumstance around me  changed drastically.I am now a days forced to accept the philosophy which I never trusted earliar.As in I could never ever guess the practical relevance of it and now I am actually experiencing it.It is so weird when you are left with no other choice than to go by logical way.I denied the existence of some things and those only happening in my life in such a short span.Life is really playing Ringa-Ringa-Roses [:)]  I don't know how am I suppossed to react in this case,so I am just enjoying the very moment.And Yes I am happy ...

Sometimes the thoughts flow so easily and sometimes it is so hard to gather them together.They are like the stars dispersed in the sky and randomly floating through the mind....I could never really guess their significance and I just don't know why??Sometimes things become so erratic and I feel so burst out.It's so hard when you only don't know what's going on in your mind so far...I start feeling left out from anywhere and everywhere.Things which were supposed to be mine are not suddenly mine any more.Everyone is going away or is it simply I am walking away?